Friday, September 10, 2010

Attention America

Note to all Americans:

I hope you slept better last night knowing that you were kept safe thanks to the brave act performed by one of your border guard heroes yesterday afternoon.

Note to the border guard:

I hope you and your family enjoyed the 5 pounds of organic garden tomatoes I was bringing down to give to my elderly parents. I find myself regretting the fact I didn't use chemicals on the crop.

Questions for the US government:

1. Are tomatoes your definition of the "new red menace?"
2. Why, after years of being allowed safe passage across the border, did you suddenly decide 6 weeks ago to stop the transportation of tomatoes across the 49th parallel?
3. If a tomato is grown by a US citizen in a foreign country, shouldn't the tomato hold dual citizenship in the same way the tomato owner's children do?

Note to self:

Thank you for totally forgetting about the container of cherry tomatoes in the cooler until after you entered the US.


  1. A long story, about Canadian tomatoes rampaging across the border and causing mayhem, popped into my head, but I can't write it. This is too annoying. I'm really sorry about the confiscated tomatoes.

    Tomatoes in Maryland have been hit by a blight of some sort. Perhaps Canada should close its border to US-grown tomatoes.

    "new red menace" =)

  2. I *know* I'm scared of Canadian tomatoes. Seriously, what? That's just bizarre.