I've tried to resist. Really I have. I hate to give blog space to whackos, but the temptation is just too great. I am sure everyone, well at least everyone in North America, is aware that there is a group of misguided souls in the US claiming that May 21 will be the date the rapture occurs. Unfortunately it is one of those news stories that, in spite of your best efforts, you just can't avoid. According to the story at CNN:
"Those who are saved will be taken up to heaven, and those who aren’t will endure unspeakable suffering."
There seems to be an unwritten rule that states the people with the fewest number of firing brain neurons will get the biggest headlines. Think about it. When is the last time you read a story with headlines stating:
"Excellent Driving Skills and Following the Rules of the Road Delivers Driver Safely to Her Destination"
"Passengers Arrive Alive Thanks To Train Engineer Not Texting"
"Careful Budgeting and Living Within Means Lead to Bills Being Paid On Time"
I have a few problems with this whole rapture scenario, starting with the date. I just got an email this morning saying my iPad 2 has shipped from China and will be delivered May 27. So I'm sorry, a rapture date of May 21 just doesn't work for me. And if by some fluke my iPad does happen to arrive before May 21 I have a question that wasn't answered in the FAQs. Do iPads get raptured along with their owners?
Which brings me to another question not covered in the FAQs. Will there be Internet in a post-rapture world? I am worried the "unspeakable suffering" that unraptured people (and their iPads) will have to endure is an inability to connect to the Internet. Rumours are that just the 3G network will be down, which would eliminate the adjective "unspeakable" and downgrade things to just plain suffering.
Assuming the Internet continues to function my guess is the unspeakable suffering will actually occur on social media sites. Facebook will be a nightmare as users worldwide check to see who's still on their friend list and whose walls are now nothing but white space. And Twitter is doomed. There is no way the site will be able to handle the tweets as those getting raptured and those left behind follow each other in real time.
This whole rapture story is just more proof (as if any was needed) that there is no cure for stupidity. Or bad theology. Besides, I know for a fact the real rapture is going to happen May 27. And I've got the email and tracking number from Apple to prove it.
1. a feeling of intense pleasure or joy