Monday, February 13, 2012

Tinker, Tailor, Total, Fail

Thanks everyone for your kind birthday wishes! I had a lovely day, and my Sky Scarf is off to a good start with nice shades of blue mixed with a bit of white.

Last night, as a sort of a wrap-up to my birthday weekend, Jay and I decided to go to see the movie Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. We are not big movie goers, and usually have completely different tastes in what we want to watch. But we had both read and enjoyed the book by John Le Carre a number of years ago so thought this might be something we would both like.

Before we even left the house it was clear we don't venture out together in the evening very often. David and Alexandra were both out so this meant the house was going to be empty while we were at the movie. Jay wanted to lock the doors but I pointed out we didn't know if either of the kids had house keys. I also pointed out the chances of being robbed were fairly slim given we live sandwiched between two RCMP officers.

Jay is a city boy through and through. He grew up in a home where you locked the doors. I am a country girl. I grew up in a home where, on the rare occasions you did lock the door, you left the key in an obvious place so if the neighbours needed something they could get in. In the end we compromised. We left the house unlocked, but took Jay's car parked on the street and left the Subaru in the driveway to fool any potential thieves.

I tried to warn Jay that because the movie was playing at the old Paramount Theatre there was no need to arrive more than a minute before the show started. Jay, having never been to the Paramount, didn't believe me so we arrived at the theatre a full 30 minutes before the show. This meant we were subjected to a half hour of Hollywood drivel and ads, interspersed with full screen warnings to "Look around, these are the people you will be disturbing if you text or talk during the show."

The first time the warning came on I burst out laughing as I did a visual sweep of the cavernous old theatre.
We were the only two people in the place. However, when the second warning flashed I was no longer laughing. Not because the place had suddenly filled with people. It hadn't. I was no longer laughing because that was the moment I remembered I had left the little portable heater running in my upstairs bathroom.

Great. I didn't need to worry about disturbing anyone if my cell phone went off, but now I needed to worry about the house burning down. That is, if the thieves didn't rob us blind first. Even if we managed to escape any thieves in our neighbourhood, there was the theft that occurred at the theatre.

Jay decided to go get a popcorn and a drink. My warning that theatre popcorn and pop consistently make the list of the top ten worst foods you can eat did not slow him down for even a minute. When he returned holding just a pop I thought maybe he had listened to me after all. It turns out the ad on the screen that he thought said drinks were 50 cents turned out to really say you could super size your drink for 50 cents. The small pop he was holding in his hands had cost him $4.50. I am still not clear why he bought it when he found out how much it was going to cost. Shock I suppose.

Moving to the show itself...It seemed fitting that a movie set in the early 1970s should be playing at the Paramount since that theatre's sound system and seats date from roughly the same time period. The atmosphere in this old theatre meant one could feel immersed in the story even if you couldn't always make out the mangled words coming from the speakers. Please keep in mind what follows is not a movie review. Consider it more of a movie warning. An actual review would have to be longer than the two words I have to say about this film.


Don't go.

There are just some books (most actually) that should never be made into a movie. Towards the end I was thinking I would rate it a 2 out of 10 out of the generosity of my heart, and then....SPOILER ALERT....

It turned out Colin Firth was the bad guy. Automatic 0.

The movie might have been a 0, but the entertainment factor for the evening was definitely a 10. I still feel like laughing every time I think about looking around at the rows and rows of empty seats while dire warnings about refraining from texting and talking rolled across the cracked old screen. And on a purely educational front I learned something important last night. Clearly we both need to get out more.

13 comments:

  1. I have tears from laughing so hard!

    That's EXACTLY how my husband and I roll as well. We haven't been to the movies together since...(I am going to check the year The Dark Knight came out...), well, I guess 2008 would make 4 years now LOL! If you haven't seen it, don't bother. Pure drivel, not even worth renting.

    Thanks for the good laugh!

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    1. I am glad I was able to make you laugh! I am still laughing today every time I think about that empty theatre and the warnings to not disturb those around us. It is reassuring to hear you and your husband are the same way as Jay and I are. :-)

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  2. I had too many unanswerable questions as I watched that movie. I liked the young, trustworthy agent (Cumberbatch). It was a bit odd seeing him with light hair after seeing him play Sherlock Holmes in the most recent BBC version.

    We probably make it to the movies twice a year. My wife is paranoid about the stove top, dryer and locking the door. Sometimes she'll make the rounds several times because she worries she may have been distracted and not properly checked.

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    1. It is a relief to hear you say that about the movie Rick. Although I suspected Jay and I weren't the only ones who found it very confusing. Somehow they managed to make the story so disjointed on the screen that it never flowed as a story. I hadn't realized until you said it that the young agent was the guy who plays Sherlock. I guess I was so burnt out from reading the warnings not to text or talk that by the time they rolled the film credits I had stopped reading and didn't notice it was him playing the part. The light hair colour completely changed his appearance!

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  3. But did Jay like the movie?!

    I don't go to movie theatres - don't like the over-loud, overly dark, uncomfortable seats experience frankly. So that's a son and dad thing when it does happen.

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    1. No, he thought it was as bad as I did. And that was without factoring in the $4.50 pop. :-) I am like you. Generally speaking I don't care fro the experience of being in the theatre. I would much rather wait for a movie I want to see to come out on DVD and watch it at home, with my knitting in hand.

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  4. So I gather the house didn't burn down?

    My trouble with TTSP has always been that I couldn't keep all those chaps straight in my head. This applies both to the book and to the famous TV adaptation with Alec Guinness. The revelation at the end -- which is the traitor? -- is meaningless if you can't tell them apart. But if Colin Firth is the bad guy I won't have that problem. Maybe I'd better go see this film.

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  5. The house was still standing, contents intact. :-)

    At least with a convoluted story like this if you are reading the book you can set it aside while you try to sort through it all. With the movie there is no such opportunity. If you go see it I would love to hear what you think!

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  6. Thanks for the warning about the movie (not that I was planning to see it). And for the chuckle.. great post!!

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    1. Since you have sat through movies at the Paramount you know what I mean about the 70s atmosphere!

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  7. Kristie,

    This is so funny! I agree with you on popcorn and drinks at theaters. $4.50 for a small cup?! Wow. But once we eat popcorn, we need a drink. Yes, I understand why he held a cup in his hand.

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    1. It was pretty funny. I am not sure if the biggest lesson that night was to warn others not to go to the movie, or to not buy the drinks and popcorn. :-)

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  8. Wow--John and I don't get out much (and we rarely go to the theater cuz of the cost...and most movies seem to be crappy anyway)! But we do know how to handle the house when we do go out! Funny.

    Oh man, I'm so disappointed that TTSS was so bad. I've been looking forward to that movie showing up on netflix. But maybe I should just read the book apparently.

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