A friend told me she was so sick on the weekend that she actually found herself watching golf on the TV. I said it would take more than a simple illness to find me watching golf. I would, in fact, have to be in a coma. And yes, I realize if I was in a coma I wouldn't actually be able to watch the golf match. That's the whole point.
While I was on the exercise bike at the gym today I was thinking about what other things I would have to be in a coma in order to enjoy. This is one of the downsides to exercise bikes - they are deadly boring. After the first five minutes all productive thoughts have been used up and the rest of the time is spent pondering these useless kinds of things. Here is what I came up with.
1. Listening to opera. I'm sorry, I know this makes me sound very uncultured, but I can't seem to get past the point where I want to plug my ears and/or pull my hair out.
2. Reading science fiction. If this genre of books got swallowed by a black hole it would be fine by me.
3. Eating lima beans or liver. When I was a kid my mom would cook these horrid frozen mixed vegetables that had carrots, peas, green beans and lima beans in them. I would carefully move each lima bean to the edge of my plate, making sure it wasn't in contact with anything I was going to put in my mouth. I loathe lima beans.
The only food I loathe more than lima beans is liver. Many years ago Jay and I were staying with one of his relatives in England and they made liver for dinner. Now the thin-sliced liver I had the misfortune of being exposed to in North America was bad enough, but this stuff was several inches thick. Even worse, it was not cooked all the way through. The second our hosts turned their backs I slid that thing onto Jay's plate. After all, they were his relatives.
4. Listening to Fordyce's sermons. Okay, I made this one up. But Jane Austen makes it sound pretty boring in Pride and Prejudice.
So, as you can see, my body is getting more fit by going to the gym, but I am clearly losing my mind.
I hope my list of unconscious enjoyments hasn't offended anyone. It's fine with me if you want to eat liver and lima beans with opera playing in the background. Please just don't invite me over.
Besides, I know some of you are thinking knitting would be on your personal coma list. And I'm fine with that. For those of you who do enjoy being conscious when around wool, these are Thujas, knit with Rowan's Purelife British Sheep Breeds yarn. Amazing yarn. Fun, quick to knit pattern.