This is Jenny, the other dog in the Hammond house. I have been asked to write this guest post supposedly because Fergus's person thought it would be nice to give me some blog exposure for a change instead of her own dog. I am a very bright little dog, and she doesn't fool me for a second. She is getting tired of blogging every day and has run out of things to write about. Still, being a typical dachshund, I don't want to turn down any opportunity for attention so here goes.
I am a gentle, quiet, mostly well-behaved canine. Actually, I was perfect until Fergus entered our lives. A little bit of his badness may have rubbed off on me. The thing is, he is stupid and bad. I'm sneaky and bad. For instance, if you are going to chew up something that belongs to your person either eat the whole thing or hide it under something. Don't sit there with the destroyed object right beside you. You look like a ninny.
And this is no way to get your paws on some human food. It's way too obvious!
Here's a tip from a pro. You sit in your human's lap while they are watching TV and pretend to be asleep. Then, just as they raise their arm to shove some food in their face you quickly snatch a bite, then run away as fast as you can. The TV remote does not have a dog or food retrieval button on it, so there is very little chance the human will do anything other than say some words. The words might be bad but you don't care because you don't speak English.
Sometimes I admit I am a little envious of Fergus and the fact he is an Internet star. But I am special too, and I have proof. For instance, Fergus's person knit me my own sweater. She could never knit one of these for Fergus because he is so silly he would eat the thing right off his own back.
And today, because she knows I hate the cold and winter is just around the corner, she bought me this beautiful new coat. Fergus likes the cold, so he doesn't get one.
Mostly I like Fergus's person. She is nice to me and likes to scratch my ears, so I try to not be jealous of all the attention she gives to her dog. Besides, deep down I know that I am really the most famous dog in this house. Here's my picture on this bottle of wine.
Not that I'm vain, but how about a close-up?
In spite of his many shortcomings, I have to admit I quite like Fergus. And I really don't mind him getting so much of his human's attention, or the fan comments from all of you who read her blog just as long as you remember this one thing. I'm the Top Dog in the Hammond house.